Misconstrued Thoughts : Yesterday's Misconstrued Thoughts Today

Expert Tuesday (Charlie Chaplin) by Jill Esterly

Charlie Chaplin, in my opinion, is one of the most talented and funny actors of all time. When you hear the name, you probably immediately have an image of his "Little Tramp" character in your head--small black mustache, derby hat, jacket that is obviously too small, baggy pants, huge shoes, and a cane. He was born in London and both of his parents were entertainers. He started out as a vaudeville entertainer and eventually moved to Hollywood to start his acting career. It was there that he invented and perfected his "Little Tramp" character. He also founded United Artists (sound familiar?) with several other people. Some of his most famous films include "Modern Times," "Gold Rush," "The Kid," (which starred a very young Jackie Koogan a.k.a. Uncle Fester from "The Addams Family" series) "City Lights," and "The Great Dictator," a satire on Nazisim and fascism in general, and Adolph Hitler in particular. In it, Charlie Chaplin plays "Adenoid Hynkel" (Chaplin's hilarious and exaggerated version of Adolph Hitler). This is a classic (and one of my faves), with the famous "dance with the globe" scene where Hynkel dances with a big inflated globe and fantasizes about conquering the world. Chaplin was a cinematic genius and made a total of 81 films (most of which he wrote, directed, produced, scored the music for and performed in) during his more than 50 years in the movie business. He was very much a ladies man, being married 4 times. (believe it or not, but he was actually a pretty nice looking man) In the 1940's and early 1950's, some people criticized his personal life as being immoral and accused him of supporting Communism. In the 50's, Chaplin traveled to Europe and while he was there, the U.S. government announced that he couldn't reenter the U.S. unless hearings were held on his personal life and political views. (Although Charlie Chaplin lived in the U.S. for around 40 years, he never became a U.S. citizen.) Chaplin decided not to return, and he and his family settled in Switzerland. He returned to the U.S. in 1972 for the Academy Awards to receive his Lifetime Achievement Award. He died 5 years later at the age of 89.

Expert Tuesday (Doritos) Misconstrued Thoughts

So those who know me, know well I love my Doritos. Its always existed, an offer of candy or doritos as a child was a no brainer. Peanutbutter and Dorito Sandwhiches were my favorite. (To bad I'm allergic to Peanut Butter now).

Actually this love of Doritos goes beyond myself. Sometimes I'll call my sister to find out she's just ate a bag... And of course Darc as a Child knew the code word "Dirt" ... meaning to ask our parents for Doritos (I was always afraid to ask for stuff).

So this love of Doritos has led to a life of trying and being excited by new flavors of Doritos... LIke?...

Nacho Cheese... The Original The Best

Cool Ranch... I can remember when they came out, I was excited... Mom got them, and well... I was disapointed. Every time Mom would buy them... well I would be upset.

Taco... Was an ok flavor, didnt make it and for a while held the Taco Bell Logo. I dont think they exist anymore.

Guacamole... New flavor highly recomended

Salsa Verde... It was a good flavor.. didnt last long

Spicy BBQ... I love BBQ so I liked this flavor while it was around

Cheetos... This flavor of Doritos was horrible... bad cheese on doritoes gag

Pizza Supreme... this had the Pizza Hut logo... but lacked good flavor...

4 Cheese... Its like a combination of Cheetos and Doritos not that great

Pepper Jack... A new flavor... its pretty good, look for it. Peppery... Montery Jack... mmm

Jalapeno... They didnt last long and were just so so.

Toasted Corn ... How do you add Corn Flavor to a Corn Chip?

Italian... Found these in Canda on this trip... they were pretty good.

Salsa... A nice Flavor, one of the better flavors available.

White Nacho Cheese... Tried these this week... not good to salty, made me feel bad too..

Baja Picante... Good alot like Salsa but sweeter

There is word of other flavors of Doritos around the world, Poppy Seed Cheese in Middle East; Ham in Australia... etc etc. Coming Soon Brown Gravy Doritos in Canada; Pork BBQ in the south?

Netherlands?

So there you have it the flavors I've seen and tried... know more ... add em to teh list... the ultimate doritos list, brought to you by Misconstrued.

Expert Tuesday (Ethiopia) By Thomas Tesfamichael

When I mention I’m Ethiopian, people rarely see beyond the “starving children with flies on their face” stereotype. Most people would actually be surprised at how developed the main cities really are. And for the record, it also doesn’t mean I’m a eunuch. It’s pretty hard to do an expert piece on a country I barely remember. The only time I was ever in Ethiopia was when I was just over a year in age visiting my relatives (I was born and raised in Lusaka, Zambia). But Ethiopia was and still is considered one of the most unique cultures in the world. It’s known as one of the only African countries to never be colonized by Europeans.

People speak two main languages, (Tigrinya and Amharic) and hundreds of tribal dialects. (sorry, but no click languages) All these languages were derived from a language called Geez (Ge-ezz) which predates latin and likely was one of the languages Jehovah confused the people with during the construction of the tower of Babel. Geez is written in a way so that each character represents a syllable which means there are over 250 characters in the Tigrinyan and Amharic alphabet.

My family was from the town of Asmara in the province of Eritrea (E-ri-tray-ah). After many decades of war between Eritrea and the rest of Ethiopia, Eritrea finally became its own country in 1991. So now I am considered to be an Eritrean rather than an Ethiopian (no more eunuch jokes). The Eritrean capital Asmara (http://www.asmera.nl/asmara.htm) used to be called “Arbaete Asmara” which is a tribute to how it was founded 700 years ago. It literally means “four united”. Four rival tribes were at war in that region for so long that the women were fed up and went on strike and stopped cooking. The men in the tribe eventually got hungry and decided to listen to their wives’ pleas for peace among each other and the four tribes united to become “Arbaete Asmara”. Today, Asmara is known as the “Miami of Africa” because it’s filled with modernist architecture. When Italy’s army was situated in Eritrea during the 1930’s, Mussolini and the Italian government wanted to develop the city of Asmara in a very short amount of time. So Asmara became a practice ground for risqué modernist architects from Europe to design buildings that conservative European governments would never allow in their own cities.

Being a country influenced mainly by the Coptic Orthodox Church, many of our brothers and sisters in Eritrea (not Ethiopia) find themselves under ban. Many of our brothers have served jail sentences or were executed for their stance against military service. The Memorial last year was raided and many friends of ours were imprisoned for months. My dad would tell me that for assemblies or memorials, the witnesses would dress a brother and sister as a bride and groom so that if one of the lookouts spotted a military guard coming toward the building, they’d turn on the music and start dancing to mimic a wedding. After my parents were arrested for a few months, my dad’s company moved my family to Zambia.

Expert Tuesday (Elementary Education) by Candace

I thought I was on a break from school (a great perk of being a teacher too...) until Jeremy gave me a homework assignment for “Expert Tuesday.” Great. Haha. Anyway, I am an Elementary Education major at Athens State University and I have spent many hours observing and teaching in the classroom. I don’t proclaim to be an expert, but I have definitely learned a lot the past few semesters. Creating six page lesson plans isn’t exactly my idea of fun, but the actual teaching and interacting with the kids is.

What can I say? Kids are great! On one particular morning, the kids were trying to guess how old I was. Hmmmp. I was thrilled to hear a boy from the back exclaim, “I bet you are fifty years old!” Thanks a lot. I’ve been told all of my life I look twelve, until now. Another thing, you have no idea how scary it can be to hear your name 150 times in five minutes. No exaggeration.

I will be certified (Certification is required by Schools so they can meet the guidlines of the Southern Association of Colleges and Schools) to teach kindergarten through sixth grade, but I want to teach second grade or younger. The only hesitation I have about the kindergarteners is the “accidents.” And you know exactly what I am referring to!!! All of that aside, I love what I am doing. The students are so excited about learning, they love you (one little girl was hanging on to my leg saying, “I wont’ let go until you say I am your new best friend!!”), and they eat up any commendation you give them. Not to mention that you laugh all day long because without even knowing it, they are hilarious. What could be more rewarding? Adults are boring!

Expert Tuesday (Tying Knots) by Dwight Myers

Knots are knot the answer to all of life’s problems, but many of them. For that reason everyone needs to take the time to learn a few knots. These will be helpful in a variety of situations. Whether you are a fisherman, or working on the farm, or trying to figure out someone’s personality; you need to know your knots.

(On that last note: When I was dating my wife I tied her to a tree, when I was playing Cowboys and Indians with her little brother. If you ever tie your prospective mate to a tree (and then leave them), you will indeed find out what they are really like. You will also make good use of your knot tying skills).

Tying knots in fact is an art! The methods of tying knots have been passed on from generation to generation. This is no different for me. Today I'll show you how to tie the "Truckers Knot" which my father always used, and which I could never figure out. However, now that I have, I use it regularly. It’s good for cinching things down. (You know like the load of hay you need to get in the barn before it rains). So go get some rope and try it! …its knot hard.

The Trucker Knot

1) Make a loop

2) Pull the bottom loop over the top

3) Twist it

4) Pull the rope through the loop

5) Make a final loop

6) Pull the end of the rope through and pull tight

And there you have it one of the most useful knots you'll ever learn to use! (The beauty is it is so easy to get out once you are done.)

Also, go buy yourself a good book.

Expert Tuesday (Intro to Networking) by Brent Priddy

Ever wander how the internet works? Hold on for a small technical overview... Don't give up you can understand this!

It is Tuesday again, and the topic de jour is “Networking”… So here it goes. Ity bity history lesson first: the Internet started out as a research project between the US Department of Defense and colleges (where a lot of the initial research and development happened) this was dubbed the dARPAnet. You know how the government loves to play with acronyms, this stands for *inhale* Defense Advanced Research Projects Administration Net. Anyways, the Internet, as you know it today, is just a big mess of computers and routers and switches all connected together, with various networking mediums, to form a big network used for communication.

Here is a picture of what the Internet would look like if it were drawn out like a map, it looks kinda like a snowflake and it actually changes over time or when there is a Denial of Service (DoS) Attack. Think of the Internet like a spider’s web, yes it is a pun since it is called the World Wide Web (WWW), you are not connected to my computer on the internet, but you are connected to your Internet Service Provider (ISP) that is connected to a larger Internet Backbone Service Provider who is connected to blah blah blah … finally to my computer.

How do computers talk to each other? They do by sending and receiving “Packets” of information. Think of packets like little letters mailed from address to address. Your computer, when you are connected to the internet… Let me digress a bit… When you dial into the internet you are THEN connected to the internet, and you lucky cable modem people… you are ALWAYS connected to the internet. When you close your web browser or your email program you are STILL connected to the internet, it is only when you turn your computer off/hang up the connection/turn off the cable modem that you get off of the internet. Sorry, where was I… Oh yes, when you are connected to the Internet you are assigned out an Internet Protocol (IP) address. This is just like your full mailing address, but shorter. It is a four-octet number, like “192.168.0.1”. The numbers are associated to your network you are connected to. Now your ISP, who assigned you the IP address 192.168.0.1 has bunches of IP addresses that they own and these other IP Addresses are kind of like your address, for instance: “192.168.0.2” and “192.168.0.3”. The last number is like the house numbers on your street address, the “192.168.0” part of the address is the SubNetwork Address like your street name.

So do this, on windows ME/XP go to “Start Menu -> Run” and type in “cmd” and hit ok. Enter the command “ipconfig.” For those using windows 98 type in “winipcfg” in the “Start Menu->Run”. From these two places you can figure out your IP address and Subnet Mask (this is what makes the SubNetwork Address).

Ok, you have an address on the internet, how can people talk to you? And Why don’t you just type in the IP address when you want to pull up a web page?!? Well It would be horrible to remember 38.118.142.171 is misconstruedthoughts.com and 216.109.112.135 was yahoo.com oh and brent.isa-geek.org is 12.218.70.172. There is a distributed database of DNS servers (Domain Name System) that translates the name “misconstruedthoughts.com” to 38.118.142.171. By the way misconstruedthoughts.com is the domain and www. misconstruedthoughts.com is the computer in the domain (or network) named www. If jerm had multiple computers within his network misconstruedthoughts.com you would see computername.networkname. misconstruedthoughts.com, it is a hierarchy type of thing.

Ok, so we have that you are on the Internet with your very own IP Address(Which You Can See Where it Is) and you are browsing to Jerm’s web server (which by the way is just a regular computer, nothing special here) to read this page.

What if you wanted to get email from Jerm’s server… how does it know the difference between web pages and email requests? Well again things are numbered. Think of this like your name in your household at your street address. There are multiple people in your house so if someone wants to send a letter to the correct person, you just specify the name. Same for the Internet, when you want to browse to a web server you are going to TCP port 80 and when you want to check email you are connecting to TCP port 25, AOL Instant Messenger connects to TCP port 5190 and the list goes on. Each computer, if there is a network server program running on it, has a list of TCP and UDP ports that they will listen to (names in the household as it were). On XP, do a “netstat” in that command window we opened up earlier. For most people this is unexciting, but for a web server you would see bunches of connections from people all over the world destined to the TCP or UDP ports that you have open on your computer (like TCP port 80 for a web server). From there the conversation would sound like alphabet soup, because communications protocols are all acronyms: PPP, ATM, FR, ISDN, ADSL, HDSL… You could even have conversations where the only nouns that you say were acronyms, sometimes even the acronyms are verbs like “I ARPed for the MAC Address to use to send a BGP Route table change to your IP Address.”
So what is all this hacking stuff I hear about? Well, it is just people finding problems with the communications protocols or with the way that a program was written to cause mischief.

For more information take a look at:

And the networking giant’s what is the internet pags (This is a bit involved though)

Expert Tuesday (Game Music) by Jon Bouldin

So it's time to announce my dorkdom from the rooftops. I guess some
of you may know that I'm a musical person. I especially like music
that's good and sort of interesting and to find this special genre of
good and interesting music, I've found it's best to look in places
that may be out of the ordinary to most. I suppose it could totally be
by coincidence that I've found many good and interesting things to
listen to within video game soundtracks* - not really old ones with
their little MIDI blips and bleeps of course. Game music has, in fact,
come a very long way since then and I've come to respect the
composers/arrangers/producers of this music as much as I do my
favorite bands.

I'm sure we can all remember that Mario Bros. song. That main theme,
you know? That's the way the music stayed for years until the mid 90s
when the music started getting a little higher in quality. Eventually
a point was reached where most of the music was still generated
electronically, but you really couldn't tell any difference between
that and real instruments. It was also around this time that tracks
recorded by actual people (a nice touch, really) made their first few
appearances. Nowadays it's basically impossible to tell the difference
between these games' electronic music and the music recorded by
people, but red book** soundtracks are more or less the norm now
notwithstanding and thus more and more game music is sounding more
like This song from a Game Called Chrono Cross.

In America, the game music soundtrack business is quite overlooked.
Occasionally you'll find one that sort of seeps out and gets heard,***
but by and large Americans couldn't really care less about them.
However, game music soundtracks are a big industry in their own right
in Japan. They've got entire record labels devoted to them out. If you
want them in America you've usually got to import them. This can be
quite expensive, but you can usually find any soundtrack you may want
if you're willing to pay. Ebay has stuff of course, and there's also
the respectable gamestop.
------------------

* It all started for me way back in the day when my friends and I were
obsessed with the three-player RPG, Secret of Mana. We eventually went
as far as taping the music directly off the TV so we could listen to
it later.

** The term "red book" refers to a song that was recorded by a band as
opposed to played out on a keyboard.

*** New games have some popular bands on them and are actually sold in
record stores which I - as I guess an old school soundtrack guy – find
totally baffling.

Expert Tuesday (Jay Cox and His Artwork) by Doris Cox

Jay Cox was my grandfather. Before my grandmother passed away last year, I set out to find as many paintings as possible that he had painted. Mamaw also recounted some things about him. I've assembled a book with these paintings, but here is the forward found in the Book: Which is this weeks expert Tuesday Jay Cox and his Art Work.

Jay Cox was born on February 10th, 1910 on a small farm in Mt. Carmel, Greene County Tennessee. One of eight children, he had an active role helping on his family's farm where tobacco and corn were the main crops. Upon leaving home, he became a tinner working on various projects such as construction of the TVA Cherokee Dam. In time, he would find his main career in the construction trade.

In April 19, 1937 Jay Cox married Lillian Doris McCoy whom he met when working the family's fields. Together they would raise six children on their small farm in Greene County, Tennessee.

Jay Cox, being from what is termed the Bible belt, was exposed to the Bible in his younger years. However, in time he would become a major student of the Bible. Being exposed to the beliefs of Jehovah's Witnesses, he would try with great zeal to disprove them. However, after he wore out a Bible in this effort, he became an active member of the local congregation of Jehovah's Witnesses in Greeneville, Tennessee. Here he was known for his quiet demeanor and zeal for the Bible Ministry for which Jehovah's Witnesses are recognized.

Beyond his building skills, Bible skills, and baseball skills (Cox was a well-known shortstop remembered by many in his home area as holding exceptional - dynamic fielding skills); Cox has left a lasting impression on many individuals through his artwork. Cox always had an interest in art and would enjoy painting and drawing when the opportunity afforded itself. He was an autodidactic painter, learning by watching others, reading books, and simple trial and error. His paintings were sold at various locations throughout East Tennessee, and can be found sprinkled through homes in the East Tennessee Area. His ability shines through in his paintings, as does his love for bright color, shape, and form; as well as nature, God, and the promises he turned to for strength in the scriptures.

-As Recounted by Lillian Doris Cox
August, 2001

View the Updated Gallery With Well over 100 of Jay Cox Paintings.

Expert Tuesday (Ethnic Cooking-Caribbean) by Judy Schedel

Okay well first of all I'm going to start off by saying that I'm by no means an "expert" in Caribbean cooking, I think the only real experts are the ones who actually live in the Caribbean. Cooking from different parts of the world is great because you get to taste things that are obviously a lot different than the normal, and also when cooking you get to use things that you have never heard of, and in Caribbean cooking each recipe has different spices and fruits, and a lot of the time I'll have to go to the grocery store and ask what it even is. You'd actually be surprised though, how much exotic fruits and spices there are in your local grocery store. I chose Caribbean cooking because it tastes awesome, and its really good for you as well. Caribbean food has a lot of contrasting things in it, like sweet and spicy, you might be turned off when seeing that there is coconut and chili powder in the same recipe but don't knock it till you try it cause its really very good.

The first inhabitants of the Caribbean were the Arawaks and the Caribs, who were descendants of the South Americans that crossed the water from Venezuela and Guyana. They were there way before Christopher Columbus was there. In the sixteenth century they were caught in a crossfire of the French, Portuguese, Spanish and Dutch, who all wanted a piece of the Caribbean, I'm sure they were overjoyed by the abundance of fruit, fish, vegetables and other riches of the Caribbean. The Europeans also brought farming to the Caribbean, sheep, pigs, and cattle, and they also built sugar plantations. For some reason they couldn't work for themselves, and this is when the Caribbean tragedy began. Black slaves in the millions were shipped in from West Africa and lived a life of misery on the plantations. When the slave trade was over in the nineteenth century laborers came from India, and China to work the plantations. And you can see how there is so much culture in the Caribbean because of all the different ethnic groups that came there, they brought along with them their cooking styles, language etc. Every Caribbean cooking style starts with local ingredients(or the kind you get from the grocery store) tropical fruit,chicken,fish and fresh vegetables. To these add spices, yams, peppers and most importantly because its in everything, Coconut. This is the flavor of the Caribbean

There is one style of Caribbean cooking that I'm sure you friends down south are pretty fond of, and that's the barbecue. The word can be traced back to French pirates in the Caribbean who gave the name to a whole roasted pig on an open fire -"de barbe a queue", meaning "from beard to tail".
The reason spices were started was because the European sailors needed something the make their dried beef or "jerky" more edible on long sea voyages. Also African slaves grew pretty tired of the boring basic food they were given, so they added spices,this is why spices are used in pretty much everything.

So I think anyone should try making a Caribbean dish, or at least get a friend to make it for you, its good stuff I tell ya.

And when you are eating it just imagine yourself on a sunny Caribbean island with a pina colada in your hand, with the sound of steel drums in the background, hey it works if you don't have the money to go there eh.

Here is a good dish, tastes great.
Jamaican chicken and ham:

50g butter
4 chicken breast fillets cut into 3 cm pieces
1 med brown onion chopped
1 tablespoon curry powder
1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon ground cardamom
1/2 teaspoon mace
100 g leg ham,diced
1 large apple,peeled,cored,chopped coarsely
1 medium green banana
1 medium mango,seeded,chopped
2 large tomatoes,peeled,seeded,chopped
1 1/4 cups coconut milk
1 tablespoon lemon juice
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup plain yogurt

1. Melt butter in large heavy saucepan. Cook chicken, in batches,until chicken starts to brown. Return all of the chicken to the pan, add onion,cook until soft
2. Add curry powder, cinnamon,cardamom and mace, cook stirring, 1 min. Add ham,apple,banana,mango,tomato, coconut milk,juice and salt. Stir well, simmer,covered,stirring occasionally, 40 min or until chicken cooked through.
3. Add yogurt, stir until heated through. Serve with boiled rice.

This will taste good with this dish:
Pina Colada
1 cup coconut milk, 1 cup rum, 11/2 cups of pineapple juice,1 cup cracked ice, 1 lime sliced thin.
Blend coconut cream, rum and juice in blender or cocktail shaker about 30 seconds. add ice blend or shake 30 seconds. and serve..mmm.

Here is a good place to go to get some good recepies. And if you want to go the extra mile head to the book store there are tons of books on Caribbean cooking, and if that doesn't sound like your thing, try something else from around the world, its a big world with lots to eat:D

Expert Tuesday (Riding Quads) by Kevin Rader

HAVE YOU EVER GONE WALKING THROUGH THE WOODS, AND SUDDENLY YOU GET TIRED OF WALKING AND WISH YOU HAD A MOTORIZED VEHICLE…OF COURSE YOU HAVE YOUR HUMAN.

FOR THOSE WHO HAVE EXPERIENCED THAT URGE WOULD ENJOY AN ATV,
BUT REMEMBER IF YOU HAVE TROUBLE OPERATING YOUR RIDING MOWER ON LEVEL GROUND IT’S PROBABLY NOT FOR YOU.
THIS SPORT CAN BE VERY DANGEROUS. SO I’LL PROVIDE YOU WITH SOME RIDING TIPS THAT WILL MAKE YOU A SAFER RIDER.
I ENJOY RIDING A SPORT ATV COMMONLY USED FOR RACING. THESE (QUADS) AS WE CALL THEM. THEY SIT LOW TO THE GROUND AND ARE USUALLY PRETTY WIDE SO YOU CAN TAKE CORNERS VERY FAST, THEY ALSO HAVE AROUND 10 – 12” OF SUSPENSION TRAVEL FOR TAKING LARGE JUMPS.

ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT THINGS TO KNOW IS YOUR RIDING TERRAIN. IF YOUR ON A MOTO CROSS TRACK. YOU SHOULD START OUT SLOW AND GET FAMILIAR WITH THE COURSE. NOBODY WANTS TO HIT A JUMP JUST TO FIND OUT YOU DON’T HAVE ENOUGH MOMENTUM TO GET YOU TO THE DOWN SIDE OF THE NEXT MOUND OF DIRT. WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IN THIS CASE YOU ASK? WELL JUST DRIVE INTO A BRICK WALL AT ABOUT 35 OR 40 MPH. THAT PROBABLY EXPLAINS IT BEST.

NOW IF YOU LIKE THE WOODS YOU WILL PROBABLY LIKE CROSS COUNTRY RIDING. THIS IS WHAT I DO MOST OF. JUST LIKE THE TRACK YOU NEED TO KNOW THE TERRAIN. IF YOU DON’T? USE CAUTION. EVEN IF YOU HAVE RIDDEN THE TRAIL BEFORE THINGS CHANGE AND MAY TAKE YOU BY SURPRISE. ONCE I WAS RIDING IN COOKEVILLE ON A TRAIL I HAVE RIDDEN A COUPLE OF TIMES, BUT LITTLE DID I KNOW IT RAINED VERY HARD A WEEK OR TWO EARLIER. I CAME AROUND A CURVE PRETTY FAST, JUST TO FIND THAT A LARGE GULLY HAD BEN WASHED OUT IN THE TRAIL. I HIT IT, LOST CONTROL AND HIT A LARGE TREE. WHICH WAS A LOT LIKE HITTING A BRICK WALL AT 20-25 MPH. THEN I HAD TO RIDE SIX MILES OUT OF THE WOODS WITH A FRACTURED WRIST ON MY LEFT HAND AND WHAT I THOUGHT WAS A BROKEN COLLER BONE ON MY RIGHT. YES IT WAS VERY PAINFUL BUT A LESSON WELL LEARNED.

I THINK THE MOST COMMON MISTAKE MADE IS CLIMBING HILLS.
I DON’T KNOW WHAT GOES THROUGH SOME PEOPLES MINDS. SOME THINK JUST BECAUSE THEY HAVE A UTILITY QUAD WITH 4X4 THEY CAN CLIMB ANYTHING. THE KEY TO CLIMBING A HILL IS NOT HOW MANY WHEELS YOU HAVE PULLING BUT HOW FAST YOU APPROACH IT. REMEMBER MOMENTUM IS YOUR FRIEND. AND YOU BETTER BE PRETTY CONFIDENT YOU CAN MAKE IT TO THE TOP. IT’S NOT A GOOD FEELING WHEN YOU GET NEAR THE TOP AND YOU HAVE TO STOP. ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU LOOK BACK AND SEE WHAT YOU HAVE TO RIDE DOWN. AND IF POSSIBLE YOU SHOULD TURN THE BIKE AROUND AND RIDE IT OFF FORWARD. THIS MAY SAVE YOU A TRIP TO THE HOSPITAL.

THESE ARE JUST A FEW HELPFUL HINTS INCASE YOU FEEL YOU WANT TO TRY THIS WONDERFUL SPORT. IN THE FREESTYLE SECTION OF THE PICTURES YOU WILL NOTICE SOMEONE HAS ABANDON THERE QUAD AND IS PREPARED FOR A ROUGH LANDING. I THINK YOU ALREADY KNOW, BUT DON’T TRY THESE STUNTS AT HOME THESE MEN ARE PROFESSIONALS.

Expert Tuesday (How to Appear Intelligent) By Javann Jones

Hello there my literate compatriots. No doubt right now, you're wondering exactly what I, Javann, have expert advice on. When Expert Tuesday was first conceptualized, I was at a bit of an impasse. I have no unique skills, other than being able to reach items in high places, and that basically puts me on the same scale as a giraffe. Not to belittle any of the giraffes who may be casually perusing this, but lets be frank, giraffe expertise isn't high demand. After talking to Jeremy, the idea of an expert Tuesday involving spelling was concieved, and somehow through the great power that is Jeremy I was convinced, rather forcefully I might add, that I should do "How To Appear Intelligent". Apparently I'm quite good at this.

But what do I mean by "appear intelligent?" Wouldn't one have to acquire vast amounts of knowledge to "appear intelligent"? Sadly enough, this is true. But how many of us have the time or the desire to attain doctorates in any known field of study, much less all the fields of study available at even our local university. Such a feat would be highly difficult, if not utterly impossible. So then, where does that leave us? With the "art" of appearances. You see, some people acquire knowledge simply for the pure love of it. And then there is the rest, who simply want to have knowledge for the sheer pleasure of being superior to those around us. Which brings me back to the point at hand, the appearance of intelligence.

At this point, you've infallibly determined what I mean by appearing intelligent. In fact, I've been practicing this somewhat fine art from the start of this somewhat longwinded essay. So lets get down to the meatier matters, shall we?

First, obviously, knowledgeable people have a vast vocabulary at their disposal. This vocabulary has come to them from years of study, reading, and quests for understanding. As a person seeking to look intelligent, all you have to do is learn at least two words for everyday common things. First, of course, know what the common name is, and then you'll want to know a larger synonym, which shall serve as a "replacement word". For instance, rain is also precipitation. Cars are automobiles. Gas can be either gasoline, or my personal favorite, petrol. The key, however is to use this knowledge correctly. You will not sound intelligent if you say, "Oh, look, its precipitating outside." If I hear you say that, I will personally belittle (humiliate, deride, or even taunt) you there on the spot. However, if you were say, "I believe this particular and rather sudden percipitation has been caused by the weather front and the increased barometric pressure," you will appear more than intelligent enough to say, acquire a government job and do no work for the rest of your life.

A second point on appearing intelligent is understanding what the words you've chosen as your "replacement words" literally mean. If I call someone a miscreant with malicious intent, I'd better be sure that he truly is a loser who wants to hurt me. Don't worry though, if you have a replacement word that you aren't familiar with you are somewhat safe. Unless of course you actually meet a true intellectual. This is to be avoided at all costs.

How can you be sure that you've met and intellectual. Take a minute to print the check sheet below.


Through careful observation, answer the following questions as yes or no.
1) Does this person have a master's or doctorate? Y/N
2) If you were to estimate his/her average word length per word would it be above 5? Y/N
3) Has this person used a technological term that only he/she would know, BUT instead of using it and then leaving it, did he/she also explain into great detail what it meant, taking time to simplify it for the puny minds of those who heard him/her? Y/N
4) How many times have you been lost in coversation with the person in question? Has it been more that five times? Y/N


If you get somewhere around a 2 out of four or higher, you've discovered an intellectual. Whatever you do, do not engage this person in conversation. Your weak facade will be removed revealing your true visage. This is not pretty. In fact, it is terrifyingly painful to see and to experience.

Keep these things in mind:
1) Larger words mean better impressions ONLY if used properly, and in the case of writing, SPELLED properly.
2) Definitions are our friends.
3) Truly intelligent people will spot you for the phony you are. Feel free to avoid them at all costs.

And that is the basic key to "appearing intelligent". Now that you know my secret, I look forward to our next conversation. Unless you are truly intelligent. Then I look forward to walking away from you.

Expert Tuesday (Dirt) By Jeremy Hilliard

Many kids enjoy playing in the dirt…making mud pies, rolling around in the dirt, throwing dirt clods at your siblings…yep, dirt can be pretty cool, and I’m fortunate enough to get to mess with it for a living. Dirt and death is the business that I am in…or I guess the proper term would be contaminated soil, but the other way sounds much cooler.

I have been able to travel all over the US to take soil and water samples and work on contaminated sites. Most of the places I have went are Superfund Sites, although they are not Super-Fun, like the name sounds they can be interesting. There are about 30,000 areas with hazardous waste concerns, but only just over 1,200 Superfund Sites on the National Priorities list, which are the ones that are bad enough to immediately work on cleaning up. They are located in just about every state, although New Jersey has the most (you don’t get the label “Armpit of the Universe” for nothing). There are even a few right here in Alabama (Red Stone Arsenal for one)

A little history on Superfund…In December 1980, on the heels of the 10th anniversary of the US Earth Day, and amid toxic waste fires in New Jersey and contamination at Love Canal, President Jimmy Carter signed the Comprehensive Environmental Response, Compensation and Liability Act of 1980 (CERCLA). CERCLA, or Superfund as it is more commonly known, was formed to primarily deal with cleaning up hazardous waste sites where owners had shirked responsibility. Basically, the government got all of the companies who did or made nasty things to pay a tax. All of that tax money went to a big fund, you could almost call it a SUPER fund. When people discovered abandoned hazardous waste sites and there was no longer a corporation to blame or they were not sure who put the waste there in the first place, the government would use the money in the Super-fund to clean up the area. Unfortunately the corporations no longer pay the tax and regular taxpayers foot the bill, so cleanup is a lot slower lately. Although it is a slow going process, sites eventually get cleaned up. Even the Love Canal has been removed from the NPL.

I hope this has some how filled the void in your life from never having a serious conversation about dirt, and if this has some how peaked your interest and you would like to know more about dirt or contamination in general, I would be more than happy to help you out.

Expert Tuesday (Child Birth) By Erin Roberts

Childbirth…well, first of all I don’t consider myself to be an expert. But, since I graduated from nursing school in May and started working as a Labor and Delivery nurse, I have assisted in about 30 deliveries (so far...). I must say it is one of the most wonderful experiences that anyone could be apart of.

So, to tell you a little about childbirth…I thought I would tell you about the labor process. The labor process is divided into four stages. The first stage called the dilating stage begins with the onset of regular labor contractions and ends with the complete dilatation.

The first stage is divided into three phases: latent, active, and transition. The latent phase begins at true labor onset and ends with onset of active labor. During this time dilatation is 0-4 centimeters. It can last anywhere from 5 to 8 hours. A laboring woman is generally excited, alert and talkative and may experience abdominal cramps, backache and pain. The next phase is the active phase. This begins with the onset of labor and progresses into transition. Dilatation is 4-7 centimeters. This phase can last anywhere from 2 to 4.5 hours. The laboring woman may feel discomfort, nausea and vomiting, backache, fear of losing control and may become irritable. This is a time when the nurse gives a great deal of reassurance, comfort and encouragement. The last phase is the transition phase. Dilatation is usually 8-10 centimeters. The laboring woman may feel increased pain and pressure and usually expresses the urge to push.

The second stage of labor is the period from complete dilatation to delivery of the newborn. This stage can last anywhere from 15 minutes to 1 hour. Actually, I’ve seen it last up to 3 hours. This is generally where the laboring woman is very tired and needs lots of encouragement and cheering to deliver the infant.

The third stage is the period from delivery of the newborn to delivery of the placenta. This can last 5-30 minutes. The amniotic membrane attached to the placenta can actually be donated and used for a variety of surgical grafts.

The fourth stage is the period from delivery of the placenta to 4 hours after. During this time the greatest risk is postpartum hemorrhage. Preventive measures and interventions are preformed to prevent this from happening.

So, this is just a little about childbirth and what I do…there is so much more involved, if you would like to know more, one of the best books that others have suggested is “What To Expect When You’re Expecting”. I hope everyone has learned something new, because I have to say that childbirth is truly an unforgettable experience!!!!

Expert Tuesday (Mr.Men & Little Miss Books) By Jillian Brewin

You might remember reading these books when you were younger?

The Mr.Men books were originally created by Roger Hargreaves in 1971, after
being asked by his son, "What does a tickle look like?".

Later on he wrote the Little Miss series.

Once in a used bookstore, i came across some Mr.Men and Little Miss that i
hadn't seen before. Even though i started with only a few from my childhood
i now have over 40.

The animation is simple. In fact the munchkins i take care of get the
meaning and read the books back to me with their own creative flair. Here
are some pictures that were drawn of the books.

Autumn age: 2 (it's Little Miss Tiny)

Zach age: 2 ( it's Mr.Noisy)

All of his books have personifying characteristics that you can relate to.
Since i work with kids we read them quit a bit. Many times i find myself
thinking how it always goes back to the things we learned early in life.
Such as share everything, say you're sorry when you hurt someone, play fair,
clean up after yourself ect.. We all know that wisdom didn't come from the
top of the graduate school mountain, but there in the sand pile at school.

Take a look at this list..... Which Mr. Men (43 to choose from) or Little Miss (30 to choose from) are you?

And if you're looking for these classics you can always get them here.

Expert Tuesday (Crocheting) by Lea Schedel

So....crocheting, probably you're first thoughts are that it's a granny hobby. I know this because that's what i thought of it before I started doing it. I grew up around crocheters,(I don't think that's a word?) sort of a hobby passed down from my great gramma. You'd think that I would have learned from them, but no, I actually wasn't into it until I learned how to do it at school. (Although my mom helped me to perfect it, have to give her credit) It really doesn't take a rocket scientist to learn how it's done, or years to master. I think it just takes a person with creativity, patience, and most importantly, who's good with their hands.

The hardest thing is reading the pattern, but once you understand the lingo and what it's asking you to do then it's no problem. The way it's done is by using a crochet hook ("crochet" actually comes from a french word meaning hook) and any kind of yarn. Basically it's just a series of knots being joined together The size of your yarn will determine the size of hook you'll use. You can make really delicate things like mohair scarves, to thick blankets and sweaters. There's numerous things you can crochet, bags, stuffed animals, clothes, and obviously toques. It's a lot cheaper to make these things than to buy it in stores

There's a lot of good books out there for people who want to learn. "hip to crochet" and "hooked on crochet" are some good ones. The easiest thing though is to get someone to teach you. When you're reading it, it sounds a lot harder. Once you get comfortable with it though, you get really fast with it. There actually is a fastest crocheter, her name is Lily Chin She crocheted David Letterman a sweater during his show once. In fact the dress she's wearing in that pic is one she made.

Expert Tuesday (Dog Grooming) by Emily Harper

There are few careers in the world where you can be paid to chase small animals around with sharp objects...but that is just what I do. However the art of dog grooming has been practiced for far longer than you would think.

During the renaissance era, pets fortunate enough to live with rich and doting aristocrats, were very pampered pooches. They were tended to by professional groomers called "demoiselles" (today the politically correct term is Pet Stylist). It was these groomers that used artistic ability and embellishment to create the more outlandish breed styles we see today...it was during this time too, that canine 'coiffures' were increasingly patterned after women's hairstyles. This is the case with the Continental clip that we still see on most standard poodles. In 17th century France, the poodle was the official dog at court. It was during the era of King Louis XV that has the first official records of dog grooming parlors.

The process of grooming a dog hasn't changed much over the years. In the late 1800's grooming consisted of taking your pet to a 'demoiselle' where, for a fee, the animals would be lathered, immersed in sulfur water (to kill fleas), then sent to fetch a stick tossed into a river for a quick rinse, after which they would be dried then clipped. Ok, so the process has changed a little bit. I start every groom with a pre-clip, followed by a bath. The batheing process has come a long way since sulfer water and rivers. I have numerous shampoos/conditioners at my disposal, ranging from milk baths to herbal shampoos. During the bath is when a pets ears are cleaned and thier teeth are brushed (its recommended you brush their teeth every day, I only do my dogs teeth about once a year) with a special chicken flavored toothpaste. Once the pet is dried, I give them their finishing haircut. Depending on size and coat texture, the entire groom can take 1-3 hours. For long hair breeds, grooming is usually required every 6-8 weeks.

There are currently about 150 breeds recognized by the AKC. These are divided into 7 groups (hound, sporting, non-sporting, terrier, herding, working, and toy) Every breed has a 'breed profile' or a standard for how it should look. The breed profile is determined by what that breeds original purpose was (i.e. breed profile requires that most terriers have a docked tail because they were bred to chase vermin into holes, and the owner would have to grab them by the tail and pull them back out).

If you haven't been bored enough by the above...feel free to come to the Atlanta Pet Fair during March 2005!

A New DAY! Expert TUESDAY!

Every Tuesday we will have a Misconstrued "Expert" teach us a little about something we never knew about before. (Look for the invite, you could the be the next expert). Topics shall be all over the place. So plan to know enough for a good 5 Minute conversation at those cocktail parties.

This week: Darcie Myers on Ballet

I suppose most people are surprised to learn that I have taken ballet for so long, since I am known for my clumsiness. But ballet is something that has caught my attention for many years. I took my first ballet class when I was in second grade and danced as a “dancing doll” in my very first recital.

While my start to ballet was only about 14 years ago, Ballet started to evolve during the Renaissance period (1300-1600) in Western Europe. The steps of ballet were first named in French, which is why French has become the International language of ballet. Some of these steps include ‘pirouette’ (to spin), ‘plie’ (to bend), and ‘tombe’ (to fall). There are even steps in ballet to mimic animals such as ‘pas de cheval’ (step of the horse) and ‘sauté chat’ (jump of the cat).

Ballet is a very taxing job for professional ballerinas. They dance 6 days a week to keep their bodies in perfect condition. To become a professional ballerina, you must start at a very early age. The recommended age for girls to begin training is 8 to 10… and bit later for boys. This is the case so that the bones in their bodies may grow and adapt to the positions that are common in ballet. This includes the very basis of ballet technique: turn out. Turn out is very crucial to a ballerina. Turn out is the rotation from the hip joint to form a 180 degree angle with the feet on the floor.

I highly recommend attending a ballet. Most ballets are a story told through dance, which can be challenging to understand at times since no words are spoken. There are even ballet’s based on art. This past April the Lyon Opera Ballet opened the ballet “Tricodex” which was based on an Italian art book filled with drawings of imaginary animals, plants, machines, and insects.

Musicians and artists have even taken an interest in ballet. The Icelandic band Sigur Ros constructed an instrument made out of pointe shoes for a collaboration with the Merce Cunningham Dance Company. There were microphones in each pointe shoe, and the musicians beat them with sticks. The impressionistic painter Edgar Degas enjoyed painting many pictures revolving around the performance of ballet dancers. Photographer Cornell Capa also enjoyed working with ballerinas.

Though I by no means have a name in ballet, there are several “Darcie’s” that do. Included are Darci Kistler, a principal dancer for the New York City Ballet, and Darcey Bussell, a principal dancer for the Royal Ballet.