Posted by itzjerm on September 3, 2004 08:14 AM|Permalink
Comments
So this is a poem I'm working on - I don't know why I'm posting it here as it's not finished......
There are parts that need changing - rythm mainly. And I'm thinking of deleting the last stanza.....
The love I feel
Is somehow patient –
As if it were a silencing word
Delicately hanging in the balance,
Desiring to break the fragile tones
That resonate in the air….
Dancing lightly,
Tickling ears,
It gently finds it’s place
And quiets the crowd,
Soothing all the worries,
Relaxing every fear…
This is how my love
Is known –
This is why you go without…
Much like a touching word
Would find it’s way
Just when we need it most,
My love appears
And comforts you
Til tears evaporate…
The word is always there -
Waiting for it’s time –
And when the time is manifest
It finds it’s mark is true…
Both of those are cool man. I've been hoping you'd right some more poetry since you're the master of the poem. I like the second one especially, yet the first one doesn't go without merit. Sweet.
See what I'm talking about? That's freakin awesome dude. And you know that I dont even like poetry. You, though, have mad skillz. Seriously. That last poem has struck me to such a degree it makes me want to write sad music to it and sing it to myself when I cant sleep and it's late and I'm depressed about things but never record it because it would bare all the arcana of my soul and would be embarassing.
Comments
So this is a poem I'm working on - I don't know why I'm posting it here as it's not finished......
There are parts that need changing - rythm mainly. And I'm thinking of deleting the last stanza.....
The love I feel
Is somehow patient –
As if it were a silencing word
Delicately hanging in the balance,
Desiring to break the fragile tones
That resonate in the air….
Dancing lightly,
Tickling ears,
It gently finds it’s place
And quiets the crowd,
Soothing all the worries,
Relaxing every fear…
This is how my love
Is known –
This is why you go without…
Much like a touching word
Would find it’s way
Just when we need it most,
My love appears
And comforts you
Til tears evaporate…
The word is always there -
Waiting for it’s time –
And when the time is manifest
It finds it’s mark is true…
Posted by: keats | September 6, 2004 05:44 AM
Okay, so here's another one. Still working on it. I'm bored - give me a break. I'm using the site for the wrong purposes......
“5:45 AM”
It’s a quarter til…
I miss you…
I imagine you sleeping softly,
Dreaming
As the morning light kisses your face…
And if I were there
I would kiss you too….
I would put my arm around you,
Hold you tight….
And never let you go….
Posted by: keats | September 6, 2004 06:03 AM
Both of those are cool man. I've been hoping you'd right some more poetry since you're the master of the poem. I like the second one especially, yet the first one doesn't go without merit. Sweet.
Posted by: Captian Jonathan!!! | September 6, 2004 11:22 PM
Thanks man. Maybe I can actually put some stuff on the site that lives up to your praise.... These two poems are just rough drafts.....
Posted by: keats | September 7, 2004 03:38 AM
One day
I will be
A better man,
A better father,
A better friend...
But not today...
Today
I fall...
Today
I fail...
Today
I reach
For immortality -
And break...
Tomorrow
I might
Try success...
Tomorrow
I might
Strive for more...
Tomorrow
I might
Find my strength
And rise above my worth...
Yes, tomorrow...
Posted by: keats | September 7, 2004 05:20 AM
See what I'm talking about? That's freakin awesome dude. And you know that I dont even like poetry. You, though, have mad skillz. Seriously. That last poem has struck me to such a degree it makes me want to write sad music to it and sing it to myself when I cant sleep and it's late and I'm depressed about things but never record it because it would bare all the arcana of my soul and would be embarassing.
Posted by: Captian Jonathan!!! | September 7, 2004 07:17 PM