Misconstrued Thoughts : Yesterday's Misconstrued Thoughts Today

He was hit by an exceptionally low flying seaplane's right wing wing. He was folded over the plane's wing being forced back and held on by the wind. Once again, Herbert was unharmed. He was, however, being carried away by this plane that was once again gaining altitude. "This can't be good. I've gotta get off this plane before it takes me a long way away from home," he thought. The thought of being helplessly carried away scared him because he had never left Graysbucket, but now he was leaving against his will, and rapidly at that. He tried to think of a way to perhaps move a little bit to shift the flow of the wind under him so that he could possibly be blown off the wing, but to no avail. He couldn't move at all.
He realized that despite his thinking and efforts, there was nothing he could do. Three hours later the seaplane landed and the wind stopped. Herbert did a little parabolic number to the ground of a strange new land called.........dot

Opun raising himself op, Herbert realized that Dot was the must beautifol place that he had ever seen. The plane's landing strip was literally wabbling distance frum the bloe-green pebbled beach, and all he had to du was hup intu the air tu make himself glide in the direction he wanted to gu.

As he drifted sluwly un the salty, warm, breeze uver tu the water, he nuticed a sign which read:

Welcume to Dot! Land uf the Mixed-Op O/U!!!

....

This place....dot, was in CANADA EH?????

But there was something different about this sign, for everytime Herbert wobbled away, he sensed that he was being followed. But everytime he would turn around, the sign would be right there, welcoming him once more. With a disheartening snarl, Herbert warned the sign to stay away, but still no reaction came of the sign. What could Herbert do? He was in this strange land, away from home, with strange things? He became ever more restless with each passing minute. Out of frustration, he grabbed a rock up off the ground, and right as he began to throw the rock at the sign, he noticed something very odd. Something that he has never seen before. Yes, he saw the sign open its eyes. It began to talk.
"Please don't pelt me with stones, my good dog, for my frail wooden structure would surely not resist such a force."
Herbert angrily replied, "Why are you following me?"
"I have never seen a creature such as you, one as flat as a pancake," said the sign.
"Well, I have never known of a sign that could talk either," Herbert said.
"Well, in the land of Dot, there is so much more than meets the eye, for our rivers are alive and our land speaks of bountiful things to come." He continued "for you see, my good dog, that not only do the forests delight with the essence of life, but also the ground that you waddle upon as we speak."
The sign then said, "Allow me to introduce you to Mr. Rock."
"Who is Mr. Rock?" Herbert asked.
"I am, now let go of me" the rock replied.
Herbert was flabbergasted. "You mean, I almost pelted you with a talking rock?" he said.
By this time, Herbert was hoping this was all a dream and when he woke up, he will be back in his hometown of Graysbucket.
"I just want to go home" cryed Herbert. "All my friends are waiting for me back in Graysbucket."
Just then, the sign and Mr. Rock shrieked in horror and dreadfully looked at one another.
"Did you say 'Graysbucket'? asked Mr. Rock.
"Yes" said Herbert.
Their displeasant look and fearful tone led Herbert to wonder why Graysbucket would bother them so.
"Do you know of the land I come from" pleaded Herbert.
"Only from painful memories" replied the sign."You see, young Herbert, I have not always enjoyed the fruitfulness of Dot, I too lived in Graysbucket, but surely not this one you wish to return to." The sign continued, "Back during the early days of Graysbucket, a great monstrocity occurred like that of no other"
Worried, Herbert asked, "What? What happened?"
"Well," said the sign.....

"Graysbucket and Dot were in actuality the names of a two twins, a boy and a girl. Graysbucket was the girl and Dot was the boy. One day, Dot said to his sister, 'Sister, its hot, lets go down to the river and take a swim.' Graysbucket concurred that it was hot, and finding her favorite heavy machine gun, she and her brother headed down to the river. Once they got to the river, Graysbucket pulled out her heavy machine gun and begin firing bullets into the river. 'Please, stop!'cried the innocent river. 'I've done nothing to you!' But Graysbucket kept shooting at the river. Dot then took out his heavy machine gun and begin firing at all the trees and the ground around. All of them cried out in pain, as the bullets riddled their inanimate bodies over and over again. Finally, Dot yelled, 'Give us two swims, and we'll stop. If not, we'll fire till there's nothing left of nature!!' The rest of the living things begged the river for to give the two swims so that the horrible pain could stop, but the river, being stubborn about handing out its swims, refused, and pretty soon there was nothing left breathing except Dot and Graysbucket. All the remaining Inanimates (for that's what we call ourselves) used their one moving organ to escape, pushing themselves with their tongue, or bumming rides from Animates with hopes of escaping Dot and Graysbucket's reign of terror. We've been hiding out here in Dot ever since." Herbert was amazed to hear of such attrocity, but was confused by one thing. "So why name the town Dot," Herbert asked? "Because," replied the sign, "they'd never think of looking for us here." Herbert heard a loud noise and turning around he saw. . .

a very large man dressed in a lumberjack's outfit. He came galloping in upon his horse saying "You should not tell such lies!" and chopped the sign in half with his axe!
Herbert grabbed the rock and stuck him in his pocket to save his life.
Herbert looked up at the lumberjack and pleaded for his life.
The lumberjack laughed and said "I would never hurt YOU...I just heard that you needed to get to Graysbucket! Come on, I'll give you a ride."
Herbert was thrilled, and got ready to jump on the horse. But then he noticed on the other side of the horse was what appeared to be a machine gun.

But all of the sudden there was an awful noise and then the lumberjack fell over and died. He had been shot. But by who? Turning around, Herbert saw a girl, heading straight for him. "Oh My God", squealed the ressurected sign. "It's Graysbucket", cried the rock jumping from Herbert's pocket. "But you said they would never think of coming here", Herbert replied confused and frightened. As Graysbucket boomed toward them, she screamed; "Dot,Dot, where are you, Dot?" "You Morons", Herbert yelled to the sign and the rock. "Don't you see what you've done? Graysbucket has lost her brother. That lumberjack man was somehow connected. That machine gun belongs to Dot.By naming this town after him, you've jeopardized the lives of all of us.Dot has become a well-known town. She thinks that he is here, you Nit Wits!" Angry and exhausted, Graysbucket catches up to them and says, "If you can tell me where my brother has gone, I will not harm you." "We don't know", said the sign and the rock trembling. Graysbucket turns to Herbert, "You know where he is, don't you. I know you do." Herbert gasps, "What! I never even heard your name, until I met these dip wads.I don't know where your brother is, but I will help you look for him; provided you don't hurt ME." "You're lying! Why are you lying to me? I just want to find my brother." Graysbucket sits down and begins to sob, "I'm so tired and so famished right now. What I wouldn't give to be sitting around the breakfast table with Dot eating pancakes and eggs right about now.Say, you look like a pancake", she says to Herbert as he's slowly trying to slip away. "I'm not a pancake, I'm just a flattened dog with really bad breath and loads of blood sucking fleas", Herbert says defensively. "I don't care, Graysbucket says wide-eyed, licking her chops, I'm starved to death." "No. No. NOOOOOOOO", yipes Herbert, as Graysbucket eats him. Herbert glides past her teeth, slips down her throat, and sinks into her stomach acid to be digested. But as we all know, Herbert is indestructible. Graysbucket can't seem to digest him. Hours later, she started to get these really wretched stomach cramps and felt the urge to fart.....

And so. Since we know Herbert is indestructable. When she rips it, he comes flyin out and hits a nearby tree. Graysbucket behind is hurtin bad. She starts to cry because the pain is to much to bare! Herbert gets up and shakes himself dry of the poo and other feces material. Then herbert says, "Why did u eat me?, I just dont understand. Your NOT SUPPOSE TO EAT DOGS THAT JUST BEEN RAN OVER AND FLATTEN LIKE PANCAKES!" "THATS SICK!" Then Graysbucket passes out. Now confused and cold Herbert decides to................

Jump in the air and fly to wherever the wind takes him, he flys and flys until he comes to rest. Herbert looks around and he says "this isn't kansas no more", just as he says that a truck pulls up. The guy gets out and looks at the dog and says "betty sue get out here and look this right huur", and then it hits herbert he is in sweet home Alabama. So the good ol good country folks they are take herbert home and try to feed him because he's so skinny but to no avail does it work so he tells bubba jr. to go get his gun this dog ain't no good.....

...at that moment Herbert stumbles upon a cache of Bubba Jr's hard cider and some alkaseltzer. Mixing this, some baking powder and pop rocks, and swilling the fizzy mixture, Herbert is able to unflatten himself into a crude airborne blimp. "Ah'm gonna shoot that there marvelously improvisin' yet disrespectful dog outta the air ah am!" Bubba Jr takes a shot, only to miss and hit one of old man Ted Turner's homemade sattelites which crashes next to the house, providing a distraction and allowing Herbert juuust enough time to activate the remaining pop rocks and baking soda still swirling in his poor persecuted gut providing a sort of jet propulsion spewing out his mouth (ala old 1940s cartoon-science laws) sending him waaay over into the woods. What adventures might our newly inflated canine friend find there?! Will he finally find a happy medium for his mediocre yet lovable mid-section???